20,000 steps a day & other unattainable goals

Steps: 12,156/ 20,000

Weight: 160? /135lbs

Hydration: 0.5/ 2 gallons

Writing: 250/250 words

Veggies: 0/ 2 cups

How I’m Feeling: Sick with a head cold.

Before the summer began, I was a heartfelt dreamer of a girl, and I really did, with all my might, believe I would be capable of following through with 75 hard. I wanted to be the hot teacher. I am 28, so my window for hot teacher is closing faster than I would like to admit. Alas, two days into my challenge, I realized that as the young, grad student mother of 2/businesses owner that I am, I would not necessarily be immediately capable of achieving the lofty goals of the 75 hard challenge.

It’s not that I am incapable of meeting the goals, it’s that toddlers were put on this earth to frustrate the personal progress of their parents. iykyk.

So I have been paring down these goals (though not really) and feeling frustrated every step of the way. Days and days go by and I feel less and less motivated to even try because as far as I’m concerned, it’s all just a failure anyway.

But then I realized that I am who the public school system made me to be: a people pleasing, externally motivated, gold-star chasing genius. So I decided that instead of working against myself, I will work with my weaknesses.

Hence, these internet journal entries, where I will be breaking down my progress on my goals on a daily (or at least weekly) basis as a way of tracking my own progress and also having something to show for it all.

The goal, of course, is 20,000 steps a day. I chose this because regular people do 10,000 steps a day, and I’m not a regular person, I’m a badass. However, I will admit that this will be an extremely difficult goal. Let me give you a wee little snapshot of my fitness for the last year:

I’m AVERAGING about a mile a day for the last year. That’s embarrassingly low. Worse than that, my daily graph often looks like 0 steps from waking to 8pm, then a two mile walk before bed. It’s bleak, people.

I firmly believe that people need to walk. I don’t think it’s just good for us in the way that broccoli is good for us, I think that walking is ESSENTIAL to human functioning and prosperity.

As you have already noticed, I’m a huge hypocrite. Massive. The worst kind. I think walking is essential yet I’ll sit for eight hours and have the audacity to feel tired.

And I guess that’s why I’m here, doing this, posting my goals and shameful secrets, like evidence of me NOT meeting my goals.

Here’s the thing, because of who I am and how I was raised, I missed out on developing that part of myself that knows how to say yes when I want to say no, and vice versa. I can’t seem to get myself to do things I don’t want to do, or even things I want to do. If raising my toddler has taught me anything, it’s that I have no control over anyone, not even myself. I don’t love that.

I want to become a self-disciplined person. A month ago, I gave myself this summer to do exactly that. To become self-disciplined. And then I went and sat around and averaged a mile a day walking back and forth to the potty.

Now, I am going to try something a little more drastic.

I don’t want to be here adding content to the internet or investing in the overconsumption of consumer culture, but I do want to accomplish my goals, and I want to write my way through them, and I want to be brave, courageous even.

Plus, I’m paying for this stupid-ass website that no one ever comes to so at least, at a bare minimum, I should be posting my own shit on it.

Anyway, that’s enough for today. Catch you tomorrow with another goal update.

-Rina